You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
