I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
