they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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