now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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