i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
