i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
