508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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