I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
