He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
