think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
