did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
