Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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