I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
