i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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