considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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