I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
