How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
