I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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