Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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