He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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