I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
