So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Buhtt sex?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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