I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly