grandma shit on top of the toilet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....