Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.