weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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