My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When did angry sex become our thing?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom