Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?