don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!