i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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