hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
