i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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