if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
