Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
