i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
