I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
