Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
