Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
