It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
