i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
