he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
