I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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