I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
