I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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