eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Life without a bra equals bliss.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
