And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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