Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.

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  (804): i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick. http://tfl.nu/aodk
  Replies (2) Good night (1697) Bad night (692)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.

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  (407): Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child. http://tfl.nu/79c5
  Replies (50) Good night (791) Bad night (6009)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.

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  (608): State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/w7b2
  Replies (46) Good night (4266) Bad night (691)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum

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  (604): They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum http://tfl.nu/ih77
  Replies (10) Good night (4273) Bad night (1221)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.

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  (902): the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved. http://tfl.nu/ruqq
  Replies (7) Good night (3690) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.

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  (281): I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked. http://tfl.nu/jbhc
  Replies (8) Good night (3320) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Your cock is gonna weep like a baby

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  (407): Your cock is gonna weep like a baby http://tfl.nu/ae0t
  Replies (13) Good night (1812) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.

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  (907): Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me. http://tfl.nu/90ns
  Replies (27) Good night (961) Bad night (3361)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots

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  (816): I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots http://tfl.nu/14wj
  Replies (5) Good night (1624) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.

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  (561): So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure. http://tfl.nu/8h8j
  Replies (1) Good night (861) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen

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  (412): with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen http://tfl.nu/zqf6
  Replies (6) Good night (1011) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...

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  (330): Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night... http://tfl.nu/aq2u
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.

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  (306): fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not. http://tfl.nu/h1nv
  Replies (5) Good night (1061) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine

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  (937): I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine http://tfl.nu/5cyu
  Replies (1) Good night (791) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.

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  (412): I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off. http://tfl.nu/rlx7
  Replies (4) Good night (472) Bad night (342)

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