he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are the jesus of drinking
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
