My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with