he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.