We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.