I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
