I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
