grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
