Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
