just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize