i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
