Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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