please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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