i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
