I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
