You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
