I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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