I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
