Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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