i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
