whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
