You work out of a Hotel?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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