You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
